


Don't try to tell me about the odds (I know they weren't in my favor)

by ThatOneGirlBehindYou



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Bittersweet Ending, Emotional Manipulation, F/F, F/M, Hunger Games-Typical Death/Violence, I used Google a lot I expect you will too, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Marvel Cameos, Marvel References, Minor En Dwi Gast | Grandmaster/Loki, No beta we die like mne, Other, Self-Indulgent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-25 19:35:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18581182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneGirlBehindYou/pseuds/ThatOneGirlBehindYou
Summary: The Hunger Games AU no one asked for but I've been wanting to write for years.Ft. Emotional damage, weird timeline, characters that are OOC but as close to IC as I can get them in this setting.You've been warned, this is truly self indulgent.





	Don't try to tell me about the odds (I know they weren't in my favor)

**Author's Note:**

> Hello friends, I've had this in the back burner for years now, and I kinda just decided to go along with it. Many things have changed from my original idea, but I still dig the result.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it!

"So what's it feel like?" Asks Tony. He's sprawled on what once was a luxurious couch and is now a ragged, understuffed mess. "To grow up privileged in District 2?"

Loki laughs. Like everything about his voice since the arena, it's raspy and pitiful, and he hates it. It's ok. He hated the implant even more.

"Stark, your father was head Gamemake for thirty five years, I someone can speak about privilege it's you"

"Mmm well yeah. But I didn't have the picture perfect Panem family, did I?" Tony takes a deep drag of his cigarette and passes it to him. "Three victors man. Three. What's you all's body count?"

"What's yours?" Loki throws back. Tony doesn't answer, and Loki -sitting on the floor- shifts sideways against the couch until his shoulder's pressed to Tony's calf. This is not an attack. Their pasts are what they are, and they can't change them. Talking about them is the last act of defiance they have.

\----

Odin won the Fifty-fifth iteration of the games, when he was fifteen years old.

Loki knows little about his father's youth. Or in general; Odin was never a communicative father, always yelling at him and Thor when they got too loud, and uninterested in them unless it came to their scores in battle training.

When he's six years old he thinks it's understandable. Odin the Conqueror, who'd lost an eye on the second day, and defied everyone who bet on him passing from the infection by killing the seven remaining tributes between that night and the third day. Who'd preferred to wear the proof of his survival as an eyepatch, instead of accepting the high tech prosthetic offered by the Capitol.

Of course he wants his children to be warriors and nothing more.

By the time he's eight -and so mature for your age, according to mom, Hela doesn't want to hang out with you because she's in a very difficult age, as she has been for the last... your whole life- he's begun to understand it's... Not quite like that.

Father has nightmares, and often wakes up in the middle of the night to drink. Loki, who by that time knows perfectly well how to sneak around, and that adults often have the most interesting things to say, learnes a lot hiding under the stairs during those vigils.

Odin the Conqueror cries a lot in his wife's arms. 

Loki used to think he was sick in a place no one could see, and that's why he'd married a doctor. 

He still thinks so. Now he envies him.

As he cries Odin often speaks. He tells Frigga that he _regrets_ of fathering them. That he wishes they'd never been born. That he has nightmares every night of their name coming up at the Reaping.

Frigga always tells him it's alright, that it's a very low risk, that they're all well trained. It never stops the crying.

Loki usually grows bored of the conversation, and falls asleep under the stairs to the soft lull of his father's sobs and his mother's words.

\----

"Did your dad ever tell you he regretted it?" Loki asks. He can feel Tony's fingers ghost up his neck. There's a second of panic as there always is whenever someone gets their hands near his throat, but the fingers drift past harmlessly, and come to rest at his scalp. "Being a Gamemaker?"

"Never" Tony replies. "I think he actually did hate it. But we lived in the Capitol, and you have to do what they tell you. It kept us safe, and he wanted me to keep myself safe. He made sure I was indispensable"

"What did they call you?" The slight caresses in his hair are making him drowsy, but Loki won't sleep. Can't sleep, unless the door is locked and he has the key. "The Merchant of Death?"

"That was the less offensive one, yes" Tony says. There's a hint of humor to his voice, but Loki knows him well enough to see past it. "My team thought I was crazy. Ego loved it tho"

The mention of the President makes them both flinch, even after everything that's happened. Because of it, maybe.

"I designed my first trap" Tony breaks the tense silence they've slipped into. "When I was thirteen"

Loki stiffens at that, moves to be able to see his face.

"They let a child into the Gamemaking team?" He asks. He doesn't know if he's angry on behalf of thirteen years old Tony or on behalf of all the kids that have died at the hands of a team that has no qualms against letting a kid in their ranks.

Tony shrugs. "My father pulled in a favor with Ego." He doesn't flinch this time. He refuses to. "He liked it so much that they began grooming me to take my dad's place"

"Must've been a good trap then" Loki says slowly. This is not an easy subject, if any of those exist between them.

"It was for your sister's games"

\----

_That one is fun, though not particularly challenging, as both his sister and his father are experts at shouting matches -especially when it comes to each other- and even Thor is able to eavesdrop on them, crouching next to Loki behind the kitchen counter._

_"You've never wanted me to succeed! You're scared I'll be better than you!" Hela's screams echoed all through the house from the living room._

_"I just want you to stay alive!" Odin sounds like an old, cornered lion. "You're too arrogant, too selfish to see it!"_

_"Alive! Don't you believe I could win?!"_

_"I _know_ you will win! And I don't want to see what you will become when you do!"_

_"You're an idiot and a coward!" Hela yells, and Loki and Thor cross wide-eyed stares at the insults._

_"That's enough Hela" says Frigga. Her steely voice is, as always, the only thing capable of stopping Hela in her tracks "You made a promise to your father. You're many things, my daughter, but I've never known you to go back on your word"_

_"I WAS TEN!" and Hela must be desperate, because Loki has never heard her voice break like that. "I was a child, and he took advantage of me to keep me from getting what I've spent my whole life training for! I only have two years before I'm too old to compete!"_

_"That is not a competition, it's slaughter!" Odin screams, and there's a booming sound like he just slammed a hand on the table. "They made a fool and a killer out of me, but they won't take any of my children!"_

_"No they WON'T!" is the last thing Hela ever says in that house._

She moves out that very day, working in exchange for a room and food at the training center.

This means of course, that Thor and Loki see her a lot when they go over to spar and take lessons, but she never speaks to them. Thor, the soft-hearted fool, tries to engage her in many occasions with zero success. However when the next Reaping comes and goes and Hela doesn't raise her voice, Odin orders them both to respect her decision to distance herself from the family.

A promise for a promise, Loki figures.

Speaking of the Reaping, it runs from ten to twenty years old, which effectively means that Loki's first is Hela's last.

He standing with Thor and their friends, even though him and Fandral are supposed to be with their own group. Sif is there too, and he's tugging at her hair and dodging her punches when Surtur Muspelheim walks up to the microphone.

"Ladies first" is all he says. Surtur used to deliver long speeches about the grandness of the Capitol and the Games, but he stopped because people in 2 were too eager to get to the actual Reaping and kept interrupting him. 

He dips a long nailed hand in the glass bubble containing the name.

“Annabelle Riggs" he reads aloud.

Loki turns like everyone else, to look at this year's tribute. 

Annabelle is Hela's classmate, a tall older girl with long blonde hair. Next to her in the crowd is her girlfriend Brunhilde, who begins raising her arm and her voice before Anabelle turns to her and knocks her out with a well placed, unexpected punch.

As the other girls lower Brunhilde's unconscious body to the ground, Annabelle walks up to the stage with her back ramrod straight, head held high and without a single look to any of them.

 

Surtur claps her on the back, congratulates her for her luck and her fierceness. Even lets out a little joke about how that other girl who was clearly going to volunteer is going to be terribly disappointed when she wakes up.

She says nothing, and stares straight at where Brunhilde's limp body's hidden by the crowd.

It's downright rare for a Tribute from 2,  
-volunteered or not- to be so unenthusiastic about being chosen, but she is, and her silence pushes Surtur into continuing the ceremony after an awkwardly long pause.

It will be a while still until he understands the whole thing, but by ten Loki has learned many more interesting things.

He's learned that there was a time before the games, in one of his mother's hidden history books. He's learned about a war, how it had ended and about the first Games to ever be held.

He's learned Odin had made Hela swear to him, on their mother's life, that she would never _ever_ volunteer.

All of these facts -along with Annabelle's stony face- are starting to give him the impression that perhaps the Games are not so amazing after all.

"Loki Borson"

Many things happen at once, and Loki sees them all like time has slowed down to a crawl.

Thor and the others turn to him with big, excited smiles as his mother and father are held back by the Peacekeepers from reaching him, telling them that they'll get their chance to congratulate him after he's been briefed. 

Then a single, clear voice rises above the crowd. 

"I volunteer as a tribute" says Hela, already walking towards the stage. The people are excited, as she's got quite a following in the district and two of their best fighters in the Arena will make for very entertaining games.

Loki feels like his whole body is encased in molasses, but he manages to catch Hela's swaying hand as she walks past where he's standing.

She stops, and looks down at him. Her lip twitches. She shakes his hand off, and continues walking.

\----

"Did you spring it on her?" Loki asks. He remembers little of his sister's games, mostly because his mother and father had done their best to keep him from watching them. It had been a tough week for them, dealing with him as well as trying to explain it to Thor that Loki's nervous breakdowns weren't in fact because he was angry that Hela stole his "chance".

"Your sister was too busy hunting that other girl from your district to fall on any of the traps they set for her" says Tony. "Why was that by the way?"

Loki shrugs "Strategy. Hela knew Annabelle was the only one in that Arena that had a chance at her" he explains “Brunhilde- that's Annabelle's lover, she tried to kill her when she came back"

He looks up at Tony, to find him staring down at him with an arched eyebrow.

"Could she really blame her for surviving?" 

"And who else was she supposed to blame?" 

\----

It's a surprise, when Hela sends for them to move into her newer house at the Victor's Villa.

The house is even bigger than the one Odin won for his games, with much more modern commodities and any and all luxuries Loki can -and can't- imagine. It's been almost 30 yeas and the Capitol has kept busy.

"I thought you hated us" says Loki one night, when he finds Hela in the kitchen at three in the morning.

He's been having nightmares ever since he got Reaped. Now that he's older, he thinks Hela had them too. None of them say anything though, and neither does Odin when he occasionally joins them.

Hela shrugs and slides her mug of hot chocolate over the counter. It tastes like the one his mother makes, and Loki wonders if she knew they'd be here.

"You're just a kid" Hela says "I had never noticed how small you were"

\----

"You became Head Gamemaker when you were what, nineteen?" Loki climbs off the floor and onto the couch. Tony sticks himself to his side immediately and Loki chuckles in amusement.

"Eighteen" Tony corrects "Ego was really only waiting for me to be of age to sign a contract. Not that I'd had much of a choice before, but by then. My father had died, and Stane had been head of the team for three years. Everyone hated him"

Loki knows how those words taste to Tony. They've talked about Obadiah in passing before. How he always made sure to offer a kind words of reassurance that their work in the games was a necessity and not truly cruelty. That the government and President were looking out for the country and the traps they set were a much more humane way of dying for the tributes than any other alternative.

That he'd gotten the Head title after Howard Stark died poisoned, and Stane had not attended the funeral.

"So you started on what, the 91st?" Loki asks. That they resort to talk about how Tony planned murder games for kids when he was barely more than a kid himself just to avoid thinking about the sensitive topics says a lot about the kind of life they live.

Tony's wide vocabulary doesn't include hesitant, but that's exactly what his voice sounds like when he finally brings himself to speak.

"The 90th" he says finally, and Loki can't help but to burst into cackles "please don't do that" he asks. Loki can only force himself into it because Tony's voice sounds shaky.

"Sorry, sorry it's just- ah" it takes him a moment to regain his breath "all of this is a really bad joke, don't you think?"

Tony stays silent, but he leans his head on Loki's shoulder.

\----

It's been six years since Hela won her games. 

The house in the Victor Villa still feels sort of impersonal, and Loki prefers to spend his time in their -now abandoned- old house. It's probably going to be demolished soon to make space for newer mansions anyways.

"Dad and Hela are super antsy" says Thor. He's sitting on the dusty floor, back against Loki's bed. He reaches up, and Loki hands him the partly empty beer bottle. 

"Of course. Are you going to volunteer?" Loki asks. He does it every year, even now that they're older. He has gotten over his nightmares, and Thor had gotten over his cultural indoctrination.

Him and their friends, they're the good sort. Battle is a sport for them and they enjoy it as such, but Thor has talked Loki through enough nightmares that he's begun to see the games less as a rite of passage and more as what they truly are.

Maybe he will never devour the forbidden history books Loki keeps under his mattress, but every year he listens to Loki's question, and responds the same.

"Not this year" he says after a swig if the bottle. It's a nice answer. A noncommittal one that won't bring any trouble if anyone is overhearing. 

Thor is not volunteering not because he doesn't wish to participate of the Games, but because he wants to be better prepared and put on a good show for the people. What a champ.

"We should go get ready" Loki says, but makes no move to get off his childhood bed, and Thor merely hands him the bottle back. 

They're almost late for the Reaping, like last year and the one before it. 

They stand together with their friends, and by now the organizers have grown tired of telling them to go back to their groups, the better for them.

Surtur is beginning to look old, he's probably scheduled for another rejuvenating surgery soon. He'd been his father's handler too, one of the Capitol's relics well preserved with their drugs and implants, more a miracle than a man at this point.

There are other Elders like him, like the President and the Games' host, and it works wonders to keep the illusion that the government is undefeatable and everlasting. Loki often wonders if they ever yearn for death.

"Ladies first-" Surtur begins, only to be interrupted as his hand is reaching into the crystal bubble 

"I volunteer as a tribute!" Amora's voice rings over the crowd like a silver bell.

Loki's not surprised. Amora is in his grade at school and they get along swimmingly. She's a total Games junkie, and Loki's smart enough to match her enthusiasm whenever the topic comes up. She's also mentioned volunteering like... A million times this month alone, so there's that.

He gives her an encouraging smile and a thumbs up when she walks by him. Wonderful. Go get yourself killed with a smile on your face and a spring in you step, I'm so happy for you.

Amora responds to Surtur's praises and jokes like a girl preening up for her crush; she smiles for the cameras, winks an eye and probably earns herself a dozen or so sponsors before the games have even started. 

Loki's dreading having to see her when she comes back, either as a murderer or as a corpse.

"And now for the gentlemen" Surtur dips his hand in the sphere again. He's slower now, possibly waiting for someone else to volunteer, but no voice comes. Perhaps everyone's smart enough not to willingly go against Amora, who's famous in the district for being well versed in traps and poisons, and won't guarantee a good death.

As it does every year, Loki's stomach curls in on itself as Surtur's hand digs around the folded paper pieces, even though he knows that, statistically, the chance that he gets Reaped again is very low. 

His nervousness must be showing, because Thor slips a hand around his forearm and squeezes lightly.

"Thor Borson" says Surtur, and Loki's suddenly ten years old again.

The world feels muted, and Thor's grip on his forearm is becoming tighter and tighter by the second.

At least his parents have the good sense not to break down now. It had been understandable when they could pass it off as not wanting a ten years old Loki to dishonor the family in the games, but now it would look suspiciously like they don't want their kids to participate at all.

Everyone's looking at them, at _Thor_ , and when he takes a step to exit the crowd Loki's struck with an awful sort of clarity.

Thor is a great warrior. Fierce and fearless and strong and every other quality they look for in a tribure. Perhaps if Loki had never been Reaped, he'd have the mentality he needs to survive being the winner.

As it stands now -and Loki can see it in Sif's eyes, in Fandral and Volstagg's shaky shoulders, and Hogun's stiff posture- he's... He's too noble for this.

Hela - who Loki has never known to be merciful or kind- had stepped in the Arena willing and prepared, and she still still locks herself up in her room every year on Annabelle's birthday.

They all know Thor can win, but they also know for sure that the killing will destroy everything that makes him who he is. Everything they love.

Loki has a spare moment to wish Thor gets killed instead so he doesn't have to deal with what he will become. Then his foot is flying forward to trip his brother to the ground.

"I volunteer as a tribute" he says. His voice sounds pathetically low and faint to his ears, but it's probably loud enough to be heard, as everyone's eyes are now on him.

"What are you doing?" Thor snarls as he tries to get back on his feet, and grips to his wrist when Loki goes to walk towards the stage.

He wonders if this is how Hela felt all those years ago, when he gripped her hand.

They're different though, his sister and him. Hela had won the games with her bare hands, not a single kind word to be offered, and pulling sponsors to her cause with her skill and the ferocity she put into hunting other tributes down.

The Goddess of Death, they called her, and she needed no one, but they were welcome to worship her.

Instead, Loki composes a grin that feels stiff and robotic, but he's had enough practice that it probably looks natural to the cameras focused on the brothers.

"Don't be jealous Thor, I _did_ ask you if you were going to volunteer" he says. His voice is mocking. Sarcastic. He can see the betrayal in Thor's eyes, and he thinks it might hurt more than any injury he's going to sustain in the following weeks. "Perhaps next year? Now be a dear and wish me luck" and he shakes Thor's hand off with a flourish. 

-

It's been hours now, and Loki's being escorted to the farewell room, wishing they would just take him away already.

Their friends are first.

They are, as usual, terribly noisy. Fandral blabbers about Loki's best skills -ironically the ones he playfully teases him about during practice- and making him promise they will go for drinks when he comes back.

Sir gives him a rough hug -shes not used to hugging people, and he's not used to being hugged- and thanks him, says she's going to make sure Thor is ok for when he returns.

Volstagg the mother hen gives him a hastily scribbled list of medicinal herbs he should memorize. Maybe they will be available at the Arena, he says.

Hogun grips his shoulder and looks at him in the eye, and tells him to kill Amora first.

His family comes next. Loki doesn't know what he's expecting -maybe Hela being here at least, but his sister has a strange way of reacting to emotions, and he doesn't blame her one bit- but his mother doesn't shed a tear as she clings to his neck in the only hug he ever allows himself to get lost in.

"You're so brave" she says "I'm so proud of you, love" she whispers into his hair. Her voice does sound wet, but Loki won't acknowledge it if she doesn't, because then it's not his mother wishing him luck, but mourning him. "You're going to do great"

"Course I will" Loki nods as she lets go, and Thor steps in her place. "Are you going to punch me?" He asks, because Thor's face looks flushed, his jaw stiff and his clenched fists are shaking. 

"When you come back" he says. It makes sense, Thor is not an idiot. He's not about to send him into the Capitol with a swollen eye or a broken nose. Instead, he hugs him as well, and speaks with an intensity Loki has never heard in his voice "I could've won. You didn't have to do this" 

"I don't want you to have to win" Loki says in the end. "You don't get it. You're... Different. From us"

Over Thor's shoulder he sees his father nod. Him and Hela and Odin, they're always at each other's throats, but they're terribly similar. In contrast, Thor and Frigga are the best of them, and it's pure selfishness what makes the three of them wish to keep them away from the worst of it.

"You have a good head on your shoulders, son" Odin says once Thor has stepped aside. "That's a better weapon than anything you might find at the bloodbath"

And Loki, who's spent years batting away his father's jabs at his dirty tactics in the field, feels faint.

This is his father saying he wants him to do _anything_ he can to go back to them, whether or not he would approve it.

For a man that's been tormented for the past thirty five years by what he did in the arena, it's monumental.

The door opens. It's probably time for him to go.

"Tell Hela-" he starts, only to be interrupted by a very unimpressed voice

"Tell me yourself, you little shit" his sister is standing by the open door. "Now move, we have a train to catch"

\----

"Did I look cool when I volunteered?" Loki asks. He's no longer laughing, but the grin in his face remains untouched. It's all he can do to make fun of his experience, and pretend it didn't affect him at all. "What did you think?"

Tony's fingers tangle with his on the couch. "I thought you were a diva, and wanted to steal your brother's thunder" he says, tracing patterns on his palm "I liked you. People like you were good for show"

"And did you plan traps specially for me?" This is like picking at a scab, which is all Loki really knows how to do.

"I was paid to do it. But you never triggered them"

\-----

"I'm going to kill you first" Amora says, standing on the door to Loki's room. She's already in her dress for the interview with the Grandmaster, a tight, slippery green thing that makes her eyes pop out like gemstones. "I can't believe I was excited for this"

Loki doesn't spare her a glance. He's fixing his hair in front of the mirror, no matter that the stylists are going to change it anyways "I couldn't believe you were either, if it helps"

 

Amora had this great fantasy of them both conquering the Arena, and the audience at the Capitol falling in love with their charisma, their skills and their friendship, and allowing a dual victory for this team of volunteers that were so honored to fight for Panem's values.

Loki had entertained for about a second before Hela had smashed it down.

"The audience doesn't give a shit about you, sweetheart" she'd told Amora with the poisonous voice she used to hurt their father with. Amora, who Loki knows idolized his sister, had done nothing but stare wide eyed at her "They want to see you bleed, they want to see you cry, and they want to see you die. That's all there is to it"

"But-"

"Shut up. They have never cared about the victors, and they aren't about to start now. They care about how you make them feel, and once that's over and done with you're no more useful than the poor dirtbags they're sending to the arena to be your target practice" Hela had stood up then, towering over the two of them and glaring at Amora with a sort of detachment that was somehow worse than actual distaste "Now listen to me. I don't know you, and I care about you about as much as they do"

Amora had flinched, Loki had grimaced.

"Hel-"

"You shut up too" she'd snapped in his direction, and he'd been the one to flinch now "I'm going to do whatever I have to do so that you don't get killed unnecessary. But my priority? That's bringing this imbecile home. Assimilate it, deal with it, I don't care, just do us all a favor and get to terms with the fact that you became canon fodder the moment Thor's name came out. I want you two here tomorrow before seven. Don't bother me until then"

"You're just jealous, like always" Amora says now. Her voice has become sharp and cold in a way it's never been with Loki "You were jealous of your father and your sister, and you knew Thor and I could've won together, and you just _couldn't_ stand to be the only one in your family that wasn't worth shit. Now I'm going to die because of you, because even your sister knows you're pathetic and feels pity for you"

"You're going to die because of me alright" Loki leaves his hair alone and steps up to the door she's blocking "but we're friends, dear. Feel free to tell me if you'd rather I poison you or carve your heart out, I'll make an effort"

He pushes past her, and goes to meet Hela in the elevator that will take them to the interview forum. 

\----

"Were you paid to not trigger them too?" Asks Loki. Tony's hand tightens on his

"You know I was"

\----

En Dwi Gast is staring at him.

Of course he'd looked at the tributes from 1 as well, but Loki makes eye contact with him and he gets the sudden wonderful, horrible knowledge of how he's going to win this thing.

The interview is perfectly civil, and Loki's always known how to play a crowd to his favor. The topic of his family comes up of course, and the fact that he's friends with Amora, and either Loki has gotten way too good at speaking, or the Grandmaster is indulging him with his undivided attention.

Either way, his eyes find Loki's at random intervals through the night, as the other tributes make their way to the stage.

"So is that what you're going for?" Hela closes the door to his room behind her, that night. 

Loki snaps his head up to look at her, but much to his surprise she doesn't look judging, or even interested; much less as disgusted with him as he himself feels.

"He can be useful" he says in his defense. 

"Very. Keep it up" Hela nods. "I want you to get a low score tomorrow, by the way. There's going to be knives at the Cornucopia one way or another, and you don't need anyone targeting you"

Loki gives her a mock salute, infinitely grateful for the hundredth time that Thor isn't here in his place.

\----

"I think that was the first time I saw you" Loki stretches on the couch, without letting go of Tony's hand "Up there at the terrace with all the other judges. I don't think any of you were paying attention when I entered"

Tony shrugs "It's always the same. Someone with spears, someone with swords. Bows and weights and dummies... It gets boring after a few years. What we'd never seen was someone knock over the entire rack of weaponry and break down crying"

Loki laughs again. One of his best performances, to be honest. Only mildly faked too. "Bet you weren't expecting that from a Borson ah?"

"Not really" says Tony, but he's finally managed to make him smile a little, and Loki feels proud of it. "You look pretty when you cry"

"Fuck off"

\----

His act with the judges got him a 3 for a score. He imagines everyone back home would be seething, and he's sort of relieved the demonstrations are confidential.

So of course there's nothing at the Cornucopia for him, but he still looks over the assorted objects. Placed softly on top of the artificial snow. 

There's a nice bandolier with shiny silver flasks and darts, clearly for Amora to snatch. A metallic helmet for that Erik guy from district 12. A bow for the Kate girl from 9. A shiny golden gauntlet for the gigantic guy from 11.

The rest of the weapons are generic. Swords, spears, a whip and a set of throwing knives.

There's a backpack a few steps from his platform. It has a hunting knife strapped to the side, and Loki tenses in preparation as the countdown commences.

He gets rid of four people before he's forced to retreat.

First a child that had been reaching for the same backpack as he. Loki turns on his heel with the knife in hand already, and slashes her throat open. She cannot be older than twelve.

He runs towards the hunting knives next, and the whip if he can reach it. Out the corner of his eye he spies Amora fleeing into one of the rocky canyons.

The boy from 5 is fast, and has reached the knives already. He plunges the hunting knife in his back, and hears a terrible roar from the girl of the same district.

Right, they are -were- siblings. How complicated.

She's coming for him before he can do a thing, and Loki throws himself out of her way. He lands on his back and she over him, but he's fast enough to punch her on the side of the face and shake her off.

The meadow is littered with the bodies of the weaker tributes, the snow slowly turning red, an Loki leaves in a hurry. 

The Arena this year seems to be a frozen tundra, and Loki's pleased. Covering his tracks will be hard, but he'll have plenty of water and sound insulation. Besides, he's never been particularly sensitive to cold, and the other tributes might not share this quality.

The first gift comes about an hour after sundown, when the dead tribute's faces have stopped flashing in the sky.

_"A warm dinner and some comfort. A creature like you deserves the finest  
-GM_

When Loki opens the big container attached to the box, he wants to cry in relief. And also a little in horror. His plan is working.

There's a thermos of delicious smelling soup, and a canteen of mulled wine he'll be able to use to store water later. All wrapped in a delicate blue coat that's soft enough Loki guesses feather down in the lining.

He wraps himself in the coat immediately, enjoying the warmth it provides. It's tight enough to show the curve of his waist, which makes him nauseous, but he's willing to bet this will be enough to go through the night without a fire.

"Thank you for your incredible generosity" he says, smiling coyly to the open air. There's cameras everywhere, and his sponsor will get his message.

\----

"We knew most people would die from exposure in that Arena" says Tony "it was made for the smart ones, not the strong ones"

"Fitting" Loki nods

\----

In the end Amora hunts him down, but he kills her first.

Three darts stab themselves on the frozen ground around him, and he jumps to his feet when the fourth hits the spot he'd been sitting on.

Amora looks rough. Her lips are blue-ish and cracked, and her hair is matted with mud and dried blood.

Also, her right hand is gone altogether, which probably explains her aim being off.

"Bit cold dear?" He asks, as she stabs another dart in the rubber lid of her poison flasks. "It's only been two days, I thought you'd be doing better"

She runs her eyes over him, and Loki sees them widen in rage at his outfit and overall well-being. She must've seen the three corpses he left on the way to his camp, so at least she knew he was in good shape. 

"This is all your fault, this is _all your fault_!!" She snarls. She also seems to decide it's harder to miss him by stabbing him with the dart rather than throwing it at him, so she launches herself forward.

Loki uses a move Thor taught him, to grapple her to the ground and wrap his arm around her neck.

It's only when he lets go, after twisting Amora's head roughly and hearing the booming of the cannon, that he realizes her tiny silver dart is stuck in his forearm.

Hela's going to _kill_ him.

\----

"It was a nice poison that you gave her actually. Felt just like falling asleep" Loki says. "I wouldn't have minded"

"Your sister did" Tony says by his side. "The antidote was too expensive, even for Gast. He'd already resigned to watch you die. Said you were a risky investment, and that sometimes you lose"

"Sounds like him alright" Loki shrugs. He holds no illusions as to En Dwi's motivations or thought process. "Then how did she get it to me?"

Tony bring his hand to his lips, not quite a kiss but a caress of skin on skin. 

"I used a proxy to pay for the other half" he says.

The antidote had arrived with only a note from Hela.

_"I'm going to kill you"_

It had made Loki laugh, after he'd regained enough mental clarity.

"Risky investment" is all Loki says after a moment. His voice is hoarser than usual.

Tony shrugs.

"Sometimes you win"

\-----

The gauntlet is freezing cold, when it's wrapped around his neck. 

Loki struggles in his grasp, but Thanos is strong enough to nearly lift him off his feet, and the metal is firm enough that he can't force his hand open with his chin. One of his arms is broken, and the other is clawong uselessly at the metal protecting the offending hand.

His vision is fading and he can't fight back, and all he can think of is that at least it wasn't Thor. At least Thor is safe, at least-

Thor is going to watch him die.

He can picture them clearly as he dies, Thor holding their mother in his arms, as Odin watches from the couch -he doesn't like being near people, when they have to watch the games- and the last they see of him is his last breath escape him like a wounded hare.

Maybe it's the adrenaline, or merely a death throe what makes Loki's body twitch and convulse, and his knee comes up against Thanos' elbow. The sudden impact added to his weight on his hand is enough to fracture the joint, and Loki lands heavily on the muddy snow.

Thanos is already coming at him again, and it's all Loki can do to launch himself aside, as he tries to regain his breath. 

He sinks into several feet of snow, and he would laugh if he wasn't fighting for his life, because it appears the world _wants_ him to die of suffocation.

Thanos' good hand clamps down around his ankle as he stuffs his own into his torn coat's pocket, and pulls out a dart and a silver vial.

\----

"... I designed your implant" Tony's hand grazes his neck again and this time Loki _does_ flinch "I'm sorry"

"It's not your fault" Loki says after a minute. He still scoots a few inches away on the couch. The memories are getting a bit too strong for his taste. 

\----

They stay in Hela's house this time, and Loki goes back to joining his father and sister on their vigils. 

He has no doubt now that his mother and brother know they gather there sometimes. They also seem to know which days are particularly prone to trigger one or all of them, because there's always surprisingly fresh drinks or snacks on the fridge, to help them pass the time until it's safe to sleep again.

Out of them it's Loki who visits the Capitol the most after his Victory Tour, because the coat and the antidote didn't pay themselves, and there's many parties where he gets to relate his thrilling experience for enthralled guests while a jeweled hand rests possessively on his nape.

He doesn't think he's allowed to flinch away, but he's not stupid enough to test the theory.

It's in one of those parties that he meets Tony, and goes for a walk with him that ends with them both imprudently drunk and dangerously loud as they each discover the other is just as disgusted with the system.

The Grandmaster doesn't particularly like this newfound, tentative friendship. Whenever he invites Loki over after that he has him brought to his private residence, and the guest list is exclusive enough to not let the Head Gamemaker in.

It had been nice while it lasted, to have a friend that understood.

\----

"Did he ever hurt you?"

"Sometimes. Never too badly" Loki shrugs. It's not something he wants to think about. Especially knowing that the sleazy fuck managed to stay alive. "Who comes up with the ideas for the Quells?"

Loki feels relieved, when Tony gives him a pass and lets him change topics so easily.

"They're supposed to be random" he replies.

Loki nods "They're not though" it's not a question, and Tony doesn't bother answering it.

\----

It's been years since they've had to worry about a Reaping. Thor and Hogun and Volstagg make it unscathed through their last one, and on the year that followed so do Sif and Fandral.

They begin tho think they can begin to build their lives now, and that, Loki thinks, is what their mistake was.

"And for this year's Quarter Quell, on the 100th anniversary of our great Republic" says Ego on the TV. He still looks distressingly young, s d Loki wonders how much of him is implants and machinery by now. Hela just flips the screen off. Thor laughs, and even Odin cracks a smile. "To symbolize how our strength runs in our bloodlines, as long as that blood remains loyal, this year's tributes will be chosen from the former Victors' families!"

Loki feels the floor give up under him. Maybe he passes out for a moment, because on his next conscious moment he's only being supported by his mother's knees, and she's running her fingers through his hair.

Hela's screaming, his father is nowhere to be seen, and Thor... Thor is just staring at the screen as the pictures of the possible tributes begin showing up.

Of course District 2 has a wider pool of Victors, and thus a bigger selection of tributes. It's not an immediate sentence for Thor.

Or at least it wouldn't be, if their family didn't have three winners. If it wasn't the de-facto face of the district, or held influence in the way its people thinks. If the volunteering rate hadn't been going lower and lower in the past ten years, after everyone in Panem saw Odin the Conqueror's children save each other from the Arena.

\----

"Do you think they know?" Tony doesn't make a move to join Loki on his side of the couch, merely speaking a tad louder. "That it wouldn't have happened if they hadn't gone for Thor?"

"The Capitol has never been too self aware" Loki shakes his head. 

It hurts a little to think of it, but Tony's right. Had it not been for Surtur reading Thor's name aloud with a mischievous grin, the Borson would've been content with living the rest of their lives in peace.

Sure, Hela was always speaking about boycott and Loki had always dreamed of cutting the Grandmaster open, but it was all talk. Or rather, it had been merely a rancid puddle of fuel, and Thor's reaping had been the lit match.

\----

"Won't you get in trouble for this?" Is the first thing Tony says after he opens the door. Loki pushes past him without a word, and he shrugs before closing it. "Sure, come in"

 

"He doesn't own me. And neither does the state" says Loki. He's standing dripping rainwater on Tony's carpet that probably costs more than what a full family eats for a year in the poorer districts. "How about you? Do they own you like everyone else?"

Tony stares at him like seeing him for the first time. This time they're both sober, and it's much harder to enunciate his polemic views.

"You know they don't. Is this about your brother?" He asks.

Loki wants to look selfless, wants to say it isn't. He can't deny who he is though, so he merely covers it up.

"This is about Panem" 

\----

"Those were some weird months. Trying to design traps with failsafes no one would notice" Tony's fidgeting. He does that a lot when he reminisces about his own role in this, Loki has noticed. "I think Gast knew what we were doing"

Of course he did. The Grandmaster is no fool, regardless of how he wishes to be known.

He let it happen because everything is a game to him. Loki hates him more than Ego himself.

"We should've killed him" he says finally

Tony turns his head to look at him, and Loki doesn't look up. At least Tony's stopped fidgeting.

\----

Thor makes it to the arena with a whooping 9 in grade, and enough sponsors that there's a heavy hammer rigged to deliver electric shocks waiting for him at the Cornucopia.

"Look at that" the Grandmaster says as he fucks into him from behind. One of the walls in his bedroom is a screen that shows Thor fending off the guy from 1 with a well placed blow to the chest. "Your brother didn't even need my help, and he's not running off to hide! Perhaps you _are_ the odd one out in your family"

Loki doesn't respond -of course En Dwi Gast has gagged him-, but the words dig into him anyways, like they always do. He knows how to break a person, and after ten years of tearing into Loki it probably comes as second nature to him. 

They watch the games through the week. Thor, the absolute fool, has taken like three kids under his wing. It fits their plan just fine but Loki can't help but to curse him internally because he doesn't even know there's a plan, it's just Thor being Thor and it's terribly frustrating that it's probably what's going to win them the rebellion, if the cryptic messages Hela passes him at sponsor galas are any indication.

When the districts begin falling, one by one while the games continue running to maintain a sense of normalcy for the Capitol people,the Grandmaster locks the exits to the house. He's got enough resources and servants to last here for a while, is what he tells Loki as they dine. On the screen Thor flings one of his kids -who's got a broken leg- onto his shoulders, and continues his trek to reclaim the Cornucopia as a base.

"And of course" he adds, stretching to push a strawberry against Loki's lips. "A cute little trading chip for the leaders of the rebellion"

"Is that why you sponsored me?" The thought occurs to Loki after he's swallowed the fruit, but it's too outlandish. It doesn't make sense.

"Partly. You're fun enough to play with, but that was the main reason yes" En Dwi says casually, as if he hasn't managed to stab the single smallest piece of self-esteem Loki has managed to keep alive.

"That's ridiculous, how could you have known?!" Loki snarls. It's always been the better option to get enraged when one is hurt.

"Please kitty. Your sister has always been rebel scum. And you're nothing but a little sad thing that only knows how to follow in other people's shadows" the Grandmaster says and whoa. Maybe there _was_ another crumb to stab at. "Now come here, before I decide to throw you out into the street. I'm sure the Peacemakers will be delighted to find that you've fallen in their hands"

\----

"I should've gone to get you sooner" the room has grown pitch plack while they talk. Tony's fidgeting again, and Loki lays a hand on his knee.

"You were doing things for the cause, unlike me" he says. His mouth is bitter with memories and bile.

"You were doing things. Your job was to keep Gast busy" Tony's hand comes to rest on top of his.

Outside where people are looking, Loki can be himself. He's proud and cunning and biting, and his past has no hold on him.

In here with this man that's just as empty as him, he's nothing but the shell his life has made him.

"My job was to not get in the way"

\----

"I hope you're happy now, look at what you did" the Grandmaster says. He sounds annoyed mostly, but his grip on Loki's hair tightens painfully. Loki pulls himself off, and turns to look at the screen.

The force field has fallen, and a group of rebels are fighting the Peacemakers back while a squadron of medics headed by his mother run towards Thor and his kid's club.

"It's over then?" He hears himself say, mouth still salty and voice faint. What a revolutionary, asking the oppressor if they can be done with the rebellion now, if they won.

"Eh, I think so" the Grandmaster says. Out the corner of his eye he sees him gesture to one of his servants to prepare his hovercraft. "Well kitty. It's been a pleasure" 

"How are you so calm?!" says Loki. He's climbing to his feet as well, his heart beating faster by the second. "You're going to be executed, you-"

"Am I?" En Dwi smiles. Loki has never wanted to rip his stupid made up face more. "You're the murderer here kitty. Are you going to kill me?"

And he gives a pointed look to the bottle of wine resting on the coffee table. It would be easy enough, Loki has killed with less. For less.

His hand shakes when he reaches for it, and in the end he finds that he can't lift it. 

"Thought so" En Dwi sounds pleased like his pet just did a cute trick, which Loki guesses kinda happened. A car horn sounds outside. "I think that's your ride"

Loki can't look at him, won't. Instead he slips past him and darts out the door to where Tony's waiting for him.

"The gates are falling, we have to go" Tony says, opening the passenger door. "Are you injured?"

"Just drive" Loki slams the door shut, and doesn't lift his face until the mansion is well and truly out of view.

\----

"We should go out" Tony says after the long moment of silence following Loki's words.

Loki huffs angrily and shakes his head "Nobody tells my sister to get off her house today. Why do _we_ have to socialize?"

"We don't have to" Tony shrugs "but Thor and your mother will worry"

That's a low blow if Loki has ever heard one, but it's the truth, so he gets to his feet.

\----

They execute Ego after they take the Capitol and Odin has been elected.

Loki sneaks into the autopsy, and he's not surprised to see the man's heart is little more than a mess of cables and a pump. How much human can be left after a hundred years, honestly?

The rebellion -now the new government- search for the faces of the old regime. Surtur hangs as well, and it's Hela who pulls the lever.

They never find many of them. Taneeleer and Carina Tivan, En Dwi Gast, Rubanna Quormo... It was to be expected, honestly. They're the sort of people that find another way to survive, or create it.

The only favor Loki asks of his father is to have Gast's house demolished. It's not the only one, but it's the first one to be rebuilt as housing for the refugees from the districts.

Most people heal, and those who can't, leave. One way or another.

It takes a while before Tony and the rebellion members that worked from inside the Capitol are accepted, but in the end everyone is more than willing to forget about the past.

Thor is thinking of running for president when Odin retires. Hela thinks he's an idiot. Loki says the same in softer words.

In the end, Loki goes back to what was once District 2.

The house he grew up in is still intact, and he reclaims it without much fuss. Hela comes and goes and never really tells them where she lives.

Loki feels freer without them.

He misses them, but he can be a wreck without them having to witness any of it.

Tony moves in a year or so later. 

They never talked about this, because this was never a thing.

Still, Tony was their first inside agent for the rebellion, and he didn't flake once. So Loki lets him stay.

Whatever happens later is strictly not mentioned.

\----

Everyone is gathered at the plaza around the bonfire.

It's been four years since the rebellion ended, and maybe someday they will stop celebrating it this enthusiastically, but for the time being it's been four years since a child has had to kill another, and that deserves a big party.

Loki goes to hug her mother, already turning frail with age and the more precious for it.

"You're just in time" she says, and passes him a mug of chocolate before going to hug Tony as well.

"Mr. President" Loki stands next to Thor and nods solemnly. Thor chuckles.

"Not yet" he says "Not until dad is ready to step off. And until you agree to come be my advisor" he lifts his own mug of chocolate in a hopeful toast.

"I've been thinking about it" Loki says. He has. It's not often that he comes to the conclusion that he can serve the free people instead of that he's a piece of debris left behind by the war, but it's been happening more and more. "I'm still thinking" he says, and taps his mug to Thor's

His brother watches him for a moment with that terrible focus that usually means he's going to say something super uncomfortable.

"You know you started all of this, don't you?" He asks. Yep. There it is. "When Hela took your place, and when you began making me understand that it was wrong. This all happened because of you, Loki"

And Loki doesn't believe it, not for a moment.

But there's a part of him that knows perfectly well Thor never speaks anything but the truth.

"I'm also thinking about that" he says, more to himself than Thor. "You were always much smarter than you have yourself credit for, you idiot"

They have to cut the conversation short then, because Hela just arrived and she's roaring drunk with the huge wolfdog she picked up in the ruins of 5, and they have to stop her from physically entering the bonfire.

"That's a picture perfect Panem family for you?" Loki asks in a huff about an hour later. He's covered in ash and dog slobber and even mud from when Thor tripped him accidentally.

Tony grins, the first proper smile of the day. "Isn't it?"

And Loki takes a moment to watch his father and mother slow dancing in a corner, and Thor sneaking scraps to Hela's dog as she snores on the table.

"I guess it is"

**Author's Note:**

> And there it was.
> 
> If anyone is interested, I could probably write  
> one or two chapters more with otherr POVs, maybe Hela's games or Tony's view of the story, idk come at me with suggestions
> 
> Thanks for getting this far!


End file.
